down below about this poem. Hope you like my poem.
3...2...1 Here I come!,
Ssssshhhh! She’s coming!
Climbing into the empty spa trying not to make a single noise
Slipping and bruising my arm
Closing the lid without a creak
Lying flat down on the hard seats
Below the lid in the empty abandoned spa
Watchful not to bump our heads
Not giving away where we are hiding
Trying our hardest to be mute but we get the giggles
Holding our breaths
The weak smell of chlorine creeping up my nose
Can’t even see a glimpse of my hiding buddies
Only pitch black all around us
But can feel their chilly skin up against mine
Hearing their heavy breathing in my ear
Can’t move anywhere
Getting worst cramp in my leg every second
Hearing Nana’s footsteps coming towards us
Starting to feel claustrophobic
Breathing heavier
Hoping Nana will look under the lid
Grateful to have hiding buddies
“Hurry up”
Panicked she has gone inside
Falling off the seat into the cool puddles on the bottom
SPLASH!
Now getting wetter and colder
Getting the giggles
Noisier and Noisier
Nana overhears us giggling
Opens the cover
“Found you”
“Finally” I reply
Hey Millah,
ReplyDeleteHow are you doing? Keeping warm and cozy during Learning from Home?
I really enjoyed your Hide and Seek poem. You used lots of poetry language features. I even rhymed "creak" and "seat" in my head.
Why is your blog set out so weirdly?
See ya
Mrs Gully
Hello Millah,
ReplyDeleteI am Albin, a yr8 at YMS.
Your poem was amazing. I really liked the part where you said 'Trying our hardest to be mute but we get the giggles'.
Some word rhymes but it would be better if you had written the whole poem in a rhyming pattern. And also turn it into para's so that it is easier to read.
I would really love to write poems, but I have no ideas. Would you like to suggest me one?
Kind regards,
Albin.
Hello Albin
ReplyDeleteThank you for your lovely comment. Also thanks for you feedback. Maybe you could write a colour poem about your favourite colour.
Bye for now - Millah